Tuesday, July 28, 2009

No soliciting means...come on in??

So I don't want to get off on a rant here, .....wait yes I do. I have a HUGE problem when every Tom, Dick and Harry comes waltzing into my store trying to sell me everything from pizza, software, to light bulbs. Really? Do I look like I need you to come in here and sell me light bulbs?? You might be shocked to learn this, but there is this little store called Home Depot, I think there may even be another store like it called Lowe's and they have a plethora of light bulbs in every shape, size and wattage; even indoor and out door selections! So no I don't need you to come into my very BUSY life trying to sell me a light bulb. I have an ASSISTANT that will gladly run to Home depot or Lowe's to buy one for me. She even changes them out for me. Will you do that Mr "I sell light bulbs"!?

So my purpose in writing this post is that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! Two weeks ago I had a girl come into my showroom "pretending" to shop. When I offered her something to drink she came at me like a jet falling out of the sky. Sprinting in an orchestrated incessant flight pattern straight for my office. She pulled up the chair and plopped out her dog and pony show claiming to have the best advertising rates in town with Comcast. Um.......back the "f" up here. Did she just invite herself into my office? Did she just shove my fabric samples, wallpaper, paint chips, AND my vendor books out of the way and plunge her advertising shit, I mean garbage on MY desk!! ( Ok breathe, in out, in out, deep breaths, dive deep into my soul to find the tact) I could not believe what I was witnessing. Somehow, someway I found an inkling of tact (Not much) and asked her to get her shit, I mean dog and pony show, out of my office, and kindly, (not really) told her to get the "f" out of the store.

I took my 3x8 "no soliciting" sign down and had a 11x14 one made at Office Depot. Surely this will get noticed and no one will DARE enter my castle unless they are here to see me, shop, or they have been invited. How generous my thoughts can be when there is HOPE! And not only did I put one 11x14 sign up I put up two, just for good measure. I like to be clear and concise about my intentions.

As I was getting ready to lock up last night two girls strolled in. Nice and sweet making lovely comments about my antique abacus. If you are unaware of my handsome, useful antique abacus I suggest you read the previous post. Proud of my accomplishments for the day my abacus gleamed with yellow. No good deed goes unnoticed. And then without any hesitation the blonde one runs up to our check out counter and starts blurting out how great and inexpensive her Office Supplies is. Out comes the book with all her fancy instruments, utensils, equipment and SHIT! Holy mother of Jesus Christ all mighty, so help me GOD!! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Yellow. I had YELLOW!! In a super sonic instant I turned into Lucifer. The princess of darkness (Embezzled in pink feathers, diamonds and a martini...ok wait that isn't very scary, that sounds like Liz Tailor) the evil spirit demon of rage came over me and I screamed at her to remove herself from the store because I don't work with people who are illiterate. And we don't appreciate soliciting!!! Do you know what she said!!!!!!??? " Oh no, I think you misunderstood we weren't soliciting, we just wanted to show you what great products we have and at such great prices." Ok so you are illiterate and DUMB. GET OUT!!!! YELLOW people. I had yellow.

So my perfectly pleasant YELLOW day turned into a lucifer fighting, knock down drag out RED!! I wish I could invent a life sized bug zapper for solicitors. It would be inviting, shiny, fancy, and promise gargantuan returns so encouraging, favorable, and assuring that they would float without trepidation to the golden land of DEATH!!!

Unfortunately I do not have a tip here. I have tried, (and my staff has tried) EVERYTHING to get rid of them. Like fly's to cows they wont go away. They are obnoxious, rude, unsavory despicable creatures. Lets put our heads together and come up with a juicy, no holds bar solution to kill them,( I mean get them to go away~smile~)


  1. I think you should just walk them over to your sign and point to it, then point to the door. I don't think you should have to say a word. : )

  2. Maybe not. Im working on my anger management, hence the abacus. Not working out real well....

  3. I ABSOLUTELY could not agree with you more! This post came the week after I have just increased our sign to 8.5 x 11 and instead of just No Solicitation it now says No Solicitation of ANY Kind...and I will be damned if the thing is still NOT WORKING! This is by far my biggest pet peeve of being the owner of a retail establishment! It is so rude and my customers do not come here to listen to everyone try to peddle their wares. I too have even had the light bulb guy, two people from the same office supply company on the SAME day even...it is beyond awful and seems to be getting even worse as the economy continues to be in the tank. There is a time and place, but it is not here! Best of luck to you...and please, if you come up with a solution, blog it!

  4. now I realize how annoying they can be, trust me. But please remember they are just doing their job that they are probably trying to hold on to by the skin of their teeth in this economy.

    Someone must be the devil's advocate....

  5. Pricilla! How could you?! LOL!! No devils advocate! I wont allow it. If they want to sell their crap they can get a retail establishment like office depot, or HOME depot. I dont care what they do, but dont interrupt my day to sell your crap. Get a retail establishment like the rest of us.

  6. I truly believe there is a "Retail Heaven" for those who have a storefront. Bless you! (And bless those poor souls who don't "get it"!)

  7. I have a heck of a time getting people to stop trying to sell me things just at my house... they ring the doorbell during my son's naps, which then gets the dogs barking... so frustrating! Then, they leave their "trash" on my door, as if I'm really gonna read it.... please! I understand your frustration.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. Have a great day! :)

  8. Oh, trust me I get it. Before I got sick I had a job with storefronts that had me dealing with these kinds of situations. And now I wish I could afford a storefront for my wares but I can't.

    I get solicitations at home as well for religions I don't want but I am just saying you can turn them away nicely.


  9. At home I don't answer the door for sales people. Nor do I hide. I don't care if they know I'm home or not. Point is, I'm not answering.

    . . . However . . . I have a small business that I'm trying to get started. Well, I've been doing it for several years, but trying to get into wholesaling. Can you give some tips on how to get info to people if going into their stores is improper? Can I go into the store to get a name and drop off a baggie of free samples for them to look at without it being thought of as rude? No sales pitch, just a couple candles with a brochure.